Carolyn - Just me and my Pug livin la vida loca -
Film, tattoos, punk rock, and pugs.
So I’m totally regretting taking 4 studios now. I’m sort of in this moment of extreme panic but also I’m totally complacent. Don’t know how I’m pulling that off…Maybe it’s just because I re-wrote my schedule/to-do list for the 100th time. Gives you that illusion of control, you know?
What makes matters worse is last week I had so much work and was so sleep deprived I had to NOT go to class in order to sleep and do work for another class, which has royally f’d me for this week because now I have more work to do, and I can’t skip a class this week - which I really desperately need to do - there just aren’t enough hours I’m convinced to get all of this done.
I have a major Directing project on Monday, have to prepare a new script and shit for it. And it has to go well because I’m trying to save myself some time by making my directing project also work as my lighting homework - you know kill two birds with one stone. So the lighting has to be perfect on Monday.
For animation I’m in final project mode - but I still have smaller projects on the side WHICH ARE KILLING ME. Of course my animation final is overly ambitious and is taking so long to prepare for - all the making and shit…and now I wish I was doing puppet animation because I have such a hard time understanding how things move in 2D space - I’m making cut-out puppets…there just wasn’t enough time to build the sets for 3D puppet animating. but because I’m doing cut outs I have to make 100000000 different characters and replaceable parts and different puppets at different angles, where if I was just doing a regular ol’ stop motion the thing would just animate naturally because it would be three di-fucking-mentional. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do I always make my life so much harder.
For video - i’m so fucking mad about video I want to stab my teacher to death - I’m also in final project mode and I”m working on a personal documentary about relearning the piano - but I haven’t even had the chance to REALLY START because my fucking teacher gave us this fucking stupid project to do which honestly feels like bull shit non sense to take up my time. And of course it was also a partner project, which complicated things 10 fold. And we tried to do the project on Friday night - the footage didn’t really come out and now tomorrow is sunday so I have no idea what the fuck we’re going to do and I can’t believe I even have to deal with this dumb crap when I need to be making headway on my final. I can’t just put my final off - I HAVE TO LEARN MEMORIZE AND PERFORM A SCHUBERT IMPROMPTU IN A MONTH I DONT HAVE TIME TO PUT THAT OFF!!!!!!!
For Lighting - if everything goes accordingly I should have the homework done on Monday, after a bit of editing. But then I have to make up the project I didn’t have time to do last week on Wednesday…I still have to find someone to help me with that….one thing for sure - as much as I”ve learned a lot from this class it stresses me the fuck out. I feel very self conscious in that class and I wish we didn’t have homework. I wish it could just be some class you learn and did demos but lefij aw;lfija;flihf;laewifhwa;lfihawe;fliwahf;lwiah;flwieh i:WELIFJ W:LEFIJWE:LIFj AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTOO MUCH SHIT. I always feel like my work is terrible and I look stupid in the class. Hopefully I’ll redeem myself by having good work this week…if I’m alive to show it CONSIDERING OH I DONT KNOW ITS 5 AM RIGHT NOW THE AVERAGE AT WHICH I HAVE BEEN GOING TO BED. UGH!
And everything else also got fucked up because last week I have 3 mid term essays I had to write for TRoberts class, and I was determined as fuck to NOT write them the night before so actually preparing to write good papers with outlines took a lot of time. And once I finished them I NEEDED to relax I couldn’t possibly move on to something else - and of course I felt so guilty not doing work after finishing those papers but I just couldn’t my brain had died…
Thank god I dropped my internship - that was killing everything. taking up an entire fucking Friday. UGH but you know whats also not helping? THe fact that I can never sleep in on Mondays or Fridays anymore BECAUSE I ALWAYS HAVE TO GO TO CHECKOUT AND GET EQUIPMENT. ITS TERRIBLE.
And I have to meet my Aunt at 11:30 am tomorrow and ahve breakfast even though I’m going to be so dead…and then I have to go to brown and work on my video final.
I think the worst part is I want to succeed at everything - I want all of my work to be just so, I mean hell I have to put my name to it so I want it to represent me properly you know? But because I want everything to go a certain way I stress myself out 10x more than I need to - I care way too much and I am overly ambitious and get in way over my head all the fuckin’ time.
ad I can’t even sleep in my own bed because my roommate is drunk and passed out….i feel rude waking her up but I just want to cuddle with my dog. ugh…
There simply just isn’t enough time in the day to get any of this work done. Oh have I also mentioned that I really need to take a shower and clean up my fucking room - OH WAIT THERE ISNT TIME FOR ANY OF THAT SHIT. UGH.
I’m sorry tumblr today is not a very good day in the life of Carolyn.